Ages and Stages – Three Years to Six Years

The work of the child at this stage is to:


To learn that others don’t think like they do
To learn about the world
To learn that behavior has consequences
To separate fantasy from reality
To learn socially acceptable behavior
To become a member of a community (family, school, etc)

The children in this age group are still in the first plane of development, but at this point learning becomes conscious. Between and four children learn that others are not thinking what they are thinking. Because they think that you are thinking what they are thinking, children are not lying. They think everyone has the same thoughts. Children with older siblings learn this closer to three. Only children or the oldest sibling learns this closer to four. Children at this stage start cooperative play. Children at this age engage in fantasy play and may take on roles. They also become interested in games. They also are curious about sex roles, and they practice behavior for sex role identification.

The work of the caregivers:

Caregivers can help the child identify their place in the family by having the child do tasks that assist the family. Provide information about the world and correct misinformation. Support your child’s exploration of the world. Set limits and be consistent. Be clear about responsibility. Be clear about the separation between fantasy and reality. Respond calmly and truthfully to child’s interest in the body.

What caregivers need to avoid:

Not requiring participation in family life (chores)
Teasing child about fantasy roles
Arguing with the child about who is right or wrong
Not answering questions accurately
Being inconsistent
Being rigid and not listening to the child
Thinking for the child
Being responsible for things that are the child’s responsibility

http://www.oaktrails.org/

Ages and Stages – Eighteen months to Three Years

The work of the child at this stage is to:

To start the process of thinking
To test authority
To test cause and effect
To express feelings
To begin to follow directions
To begin to imitate adults work
To begin to learn they are separate physically
To refine gross motor and fine motor skills

The sense of order is very high at this stage. It is also the sensitive period for language. At eighteen months children have a vocabulary of 50 words. By the age of three, children should be speaking in sentences of at least five to six words. Children begin parallel play in this stage. “No’ is a favorite word, and tantrums may appear. Cause and effect thinking begins to emerge.

The work of the caregivers:

Language is important at this stage. Speak clearly and slowly using correct grammar so as to provide an exemplary to the child. Use complete sentences and manners when speaking to the child and others. Give the child outdoor time to run, jump, and climb. Allow the child to walk rather than ride in a stroller. Give them the words for new things. Give them the words to speak kindly. Encourage them to use words to express themselves rather than hitting or having a tantrum. Give the child appropriate choices. Teach them how to be a helper in the home. For example, they can match socks, then fold them, and put them away. Start doing simple cooking projects. Help the child to become independent by buying simple cloths that the child can put on and take off by him or herself. Put children’s things on low shelves so they can reach frequently needed things by themselves without asking for help. Give the child responsibility and be clear about it. Set limits and be firm about them. Celebrate their successes.

What caregivers need to avoid:

Doing for the child what the child can do for him or herself
Teasing (bullying) the child, for example, calling them a cry baby when they cry
Not having limits or not enforcing them
Giving the child too many toys that they are unable to put them away
Not answering the child with accurate information
Confusing reality with pretend
Allowing child to be center of universe
Having low expectations for the child

Ages and Stages – Six to Eighteen months

The work of the child at this stage is to:

To explore their environment
To use their senses in exploration
To get help when needed
To take the initiative

The child uses all senses to explore but tasting is the favorite. Babies of this age are very curious so they need a safe, free environment to explore. The baby starts to play Patty-cake and Peek-a-boo. Children start using words and will have about fifty by 18 months, mostly nouns. Second children learn language differently and will have inflection and rhythm of language and then plug words into sentence form. Children will walk at this age and start climbing.

The work of the caregivers:

Caregivers need to provide a safe environment for the child to explore at will. For unsafe activities, the caregiver needs to redirect and use positive words, e.g. “We pet the cat gently like this” instead of “don’t hit the cat.” Provide the child with sensory experiences such as a variety of music, water play, paint. Use proper grammar as you would if talking to an adult. “I see you are looking in the mirror” not Mommy sees Jane looking in the mirror.” Notice what activities evoke concentration in the child. Allow the child to work at things unassisted. Use descriptive phrases e.g. “You did it” “You put the blocks together.”

What caregivers need to avoid:

Doesn’t allow the child to struggle e.g. to reach a toy
Over-stimulating the child with too many sights, sounds, and toys
Punishment
Rewards
Praise
Restricts mobility
Unrealistic expectations

Ages and Stages - Birth to six months

This week we will explore the ages and stages of children through the teen years. I will list the typical jobs of the child and the corresponding behaviors along with appropriate caregiver behavior and behaviors to avoid.

The first plane of development is birth through age six. This plane is based in the concrete. Children have not reached the age of reason.  From birth to age three there is unconscious learning and making order out of chaos.


The work of the child at this stage is to:

To make needs known usually by crying out
To be accepting of touch and nurture
To bond emotionally and to trust adult caregivers

Children at this stage cry, cuddle, make lots of sounds starting with cooing and then babbling, look at faces especially the eyes and mouth, and imitate. Babies as young as two days old watch the movement of the caregiver’s mouth.

The work of the caregivers:

Caregivers need to provide consistent, reliable, and loving care. They need to respond to the baby’s calls and meet the baby’s needs, Look and hold the baby while feeding. Talk to the baby, look at the baby when talking, and imitate the baby’s sounds. Sing to the baby. Touch the baby (baby massage is great). Be there in the present moment.

What caregivers need to avoid:

Feeding before baby signals or as an automatic response to any cry the baby makes
Over-stimulating the baby with too many sights, sounds, and toys
Punishment
Angry, rigid responses
Unhealthy environment
Hovering
Unresponsive to baby’s needs
Unsafe environment
Being negative (don’t, no)

A Home Environment That Supports Independence

Babies and children are observers, and the more opportunities they have to observe their environment, which includes people and things as well as the interactions, the more quickly they will assimilate their culture and become socialized. Babies and children need movement, language, independence, order, love, and discipline. With these as a basis, babies and children will be able to practice the actions and interactions that they have observed. The need for independence begins at home.


Just as children have a prepared environment at school, they should also have a prepared environment at home. Rolling toys and soft balls that only move a short distance give babies and young toddlers a challenge to move forward. When you give them a safe place to move, it allows them to explore freely without restrictions. A stool, sturdy low table, or sofa is excellent for enabling children to practice walking while holding on to something. Small walker wagons provide the opportunity for children to pull up and practice walking at will. Push and pull toys are fun for the new walker.

Once a child is walking confidently, it is always better for them to walk than be pushed around in a stroller. Walks may take longer, but the goal of a walk is to see all the wonderful things that surround them and to have the time to stop and examine anything they find of interest. Visiting the park gives them a chance to climb and jump in an appropriate space. Tricycles and scooters are wonderful additions as children’s motor skills progress. Children should have access to music so they may dance when they wish.

Children need to learn spoken language. Infants watch with great attention the mouths of those around them when they speak. Babies start to imitate mouth movements as early as two days old. Research has shown that babies imitate the inflection of their language when they cry. They will make sounds, cooing, and then start to babble. All on their own they will construct language. Babies’ brains are fully functional at birth. They are hardwired to learn. Babies acquire receptive language long before they expressive language. Motherese is a great help to understanding language, and it helps isolate sounds so later the babies can replicate the sounds. Motherese is not the same as baby talk which pronounces words incorrectly, but rather a higher pitched voice with an intonation that is melodic and singsongy. Speech slows and vowels are elongated. Words are repeated, most frequently nouns, and isolated. Sentences are shorter and simpler. They are repeated with slight variation.

To foster independence as children approach preschool age, clothes should be hung in the lower half of the closet. Place a limited number of seasonally appropriate items for the child to access. Items may also be placed in the lower drawers of a dresser. Have a hamper for the child to place dirty clothes. Show the child how to fold or hang clean clothes and put them away.

Children should have clothes that are easy to put on beginning with shirts that pull over the head, Velcro shoes, and elastic-waist pants. As coordination develops, clothes can become more complicated. Children’s choices in clothing are personal taste and don’t need to be corrected. Clothing coordination is not the important issue; inner pride and self-confidence are.

A child’s dishes should be in a low cabinet with easy access for the child. Spoons and forks can be kept in a container next to the bowls, plates, and glasses. Dishes should not be plastic. Corelle dishes work well. Children enjoy heavy objects and objects that are like those the adults use. The use of plastic allows the child to be inattentive to what they are doing and this includes Sippy cups. A small child sized bucket and mop along with a sponge should be readily available for the child to wipe up any mishaps.

Children love to participate in the daily life of the home. Cooking, baking, and cleaning are wonderful activities that children love to do when they have small child-sized tools available. Children also love working outdoors. Raking, shoveling, weeding, and planting are a few activities that children enjoy, and there are child sized tools for these activities.

The adult is part of the child’s environment. From the adult the child receives material things and help. The child also takes from the adult what is necessary for self-construction. It is the child who loves the adult.

Is it possible to over nurture, over indulge, and over permit? Love can be defined as a profound respect for another. Love is not doing for the child what the child can do for him or herself. The child wants and craves independence. Creating dependence is a need of the adult ego. Our role as an adult from the moment a child is born is to allow the child to proceed forward with his or her self-construction on the way to becoming a fully functioning human being within society.

When children are given too much stuff, it hampers their ability to develop concentration and attention. A few well chosen toys that can be used in a variety of ways will serve children better. Limiting choices allows children to see the individual choices, and they do not become overwhelmed. Display the choices on a shelf that is easily accessible to your child without adult help. Avoid plastic. Wooden toys are more expensive and sometimes difficult to find, but they are durable and will last. If you have several items, only put a few out. Toys can be rotated as necessary. A good set of maple blocks is a great investment. They are open-ended and can be used by a wide age range.

There is no freedom without limits. Discipline is positive, it redirects, and it offers choices whenever possible or appropriate. Discipline is not punishment, rewards, or praise nor is it something we do to a child. The goal of discipline is for children to develop their own internal wisdom regarding choices they are making. When evaluating young children’s behavior, adults need to look at three things. Is it safe, is it polite, and is it respectful? Young children do not have the theory of the mind. They don’t understand that others aren’t thinking what they think. They also are concrete thinkers and don’t reach the age of reason until around ten years of age. Simply put, children under the age of four don’t lie. They think you’re thinking exactly what they are thinking. When looking at children’s behavior from age four and on, adults can gradually add two things. Is it legal and is it moral?

Create a home that supports your child's development and your child will be well on his or her wroad to independence.

http://www.oaktrails.org/

Words That Develop Internal Motivation

Children have internal motivation when they are born. They are hardwired to master tasks and learn. Children are driven to better themselves without any external rewards, but adults often find it hard to believe. Adults often begin rewards and praise as a way of motivating children, but a reward or praise is the flip side of a punishment. If you eat dinner, you may have snack (a reward). If you don’t eat dinner, you will not have snack (a punishment). The result is the same only one is called a reward, but if a child doesn’t receive the reward then the result is the same as if you had only stated it as a punishment.

Adults also set up competitive environments. Who will be the first one to finish dinner? Who’s the fastest? A better choice is Can you dress faster than you did yesterday? This helps a child focus on his or her work and progress.

Praise is a reward because it is something that comes from outside the child. Children learn to walk. Even when they fall and hurt themselves, they get back up and try again. It doesn’t mean we can’t celebrate their successes with them, but the language is different. You must be proud of your hard work. You did it. These statements are descriptive and focus on the doer, the child, and not on the adult who is giving approval.

Here are some examples.


Internal Motivation and message. You did it (descriptive). You must be proud of yourself (descriptive). I see you used many colors (descriptive). See how quickly you can get ready (progress). You worked a long time on that project (descriptive). I'll teach you how to do it (confidence). With practice, you'll improve (confidence).

External Motivation and message. Good job (praise). I'm proud of you (praise). It's a beautiful picture (praise). See if you can be the first to get ready (competition). You did a great job (praise). I'll do that for you (condescending). I'll give you candy if you do better (reward).


So, when your child comes to you and asks, "Do you like what I did?," ask them, "Do you like what you did?"

http://www.oaktrails.org/

Identifying and Setting Limits

Q. My three year old son keeps jumping on the furniture. I tell him “no,” that it’s not safe, and that’s not the way we treat our furniture but it doesn’t work. I’ve even tried time outs. What else can I do?

A. You have a great start because you have identified safety and respect as limits. Now you need the words and actions to implement the limits.

Decide ways and places that you can allow your child to express his need to jump. Tell your child about the way and place that he may jump. The next time he jumps on the furniture use positive words to tell him what he may do. “The couch is for sitting. You may jump in the special place I showed you. You may go there to jump.” You may need to be more proactive the first few times until the new behavior is established. “Can you go by yourself or do you need help?” If he ignores you, kindly and gently pick him up and say, “I see you need help.” Take him to the jumping place, and allow him space and time to digest the event. The fewer the words used the better.

Be consistent and follow through the same way every time while the new behavior is established.

Setting Limits

Setting limits before they’re needed is the best thing parents can do. If parents understand and agree upon values then deciding on limits becomes much easier. Parents have many more years experience than a child has, and they should not be afraid to define limits for their children.


When can she where nail polish, when can she have her ears pierced, when can she wear makeup, when can he start dating, when can he have friends in the car when he is driving? These questions are a few examples of the myriad of questions parents will face.

It is easier when children know beforehand what the limits are. It won’t stop them from asking to go beyond the limits, and maybe even being very upset, but children feel safer when they know that adults are being responsible parents. Good questions to ponder when setting limits are, “Is it safe, it respectful, is it legal, is it moral, and does it fit our family values?”

Within parent groups* it’s good to be the first parent to define limits. Often parents are intimidated because “other” parents allow things that they are not comfortable allowing. The first parent to speak out becomes the leader, and other parents who might have been more lax without such a leader may be more comfortable with more well defined limits. Being the first to speak out also allows you to set the trend. It’s more challenging when someone else sets the trend, and you have to go against it.

You also set a good example for your children when you are not afraid to speak out for yourself. It makes it much easier for your child to speak out. Imagine a group of teenagers hanging out together. One of them suggests smoking marijuana. If your teenager knows your values and his or her limits and has seen the effectiveness of speaking out first, he or she will know that it’s easier to be the first to say, “No, I’m not interested. It’s not safe, and there are health issues.” It makes it easier for the other teenagers to say “no” since they’re not the first. Imagine the challenge if everyone else says “yes” and you are the last one. He or she can still say “no” but it will be much more difficult.

“There is no freedom without limits.” “With freedom comes responsibility.” Maria Montessori
http://www.oaktrails.org/

*A parent group is a group of parents that have something in common. You may belong to several parent groups. If your child plays sports, the parents of teammates would be a parent group. A neighborhood parent group, a school parent group, friends’ parent group, children’s friends parent group are a few examples.

Living with a Strong Willed Child - Parenting Class

My Urban Toddler, located in Saline, MI, is hosting classes on Living with a Strong Willed Child.

Class dates and times:
February 18 6-7:30 PM
March 18 6-7:30 PM
April 15 6-7:30 PM
May 20 6-7:30 PM

Presented by Nanette Glencer

Understand the mind of a young child and make it work for you.

Learn the way individualization, the sense of order, routines, independence, language, sleep, nutrition, and overstimulation affect children’s behavior.

Capitalize on your child’ quest for independence.
Create an environment that incorporates your child’s strengths, learn positive discipline techniques that last a life time, and learn to set limits.

Click here to register: http://www.myurbantoddler.com/p-10763-living-with-strong-willed-child.aspx

Characteristics of an Exemplary Preschool Class

An exemplary classroom has real life works that have related activities on the shelves for the children to practice. These activities isolate different components of the whole work. These activities and works promote order, concentration, coordination, and independence. Everything is sized for the child, and there are functional items: tools, glass, knives, and hammers.

Materials are created to engage all of the children’s senses, and keen observation is developed by drawing attention to points of interest. Single attributes are isolated so that children can focus on one difference at a time. They move from the known to the unknown.

A classroom is the children’s place and the adults are the guests. The adults are guides that provide the structure of the environment so that the children may have freedom (within limits) to complete their work of self-construction. “There is no freedom without limits.”

Adults are role models and strong leaders. Role models always demonstrate and live what they expect the children to do. There are expectations and goals but not rules. Children are given appropriate choices, redirected, and presented lessons rather than correction. “Teach teaching, not correcting.” Strong leaders can unify a group by bringing a diverse group together to form a common bond. “All for one, and one for all.”

Children are shown ways to be assertive yet respectful, no victims. Children are shown ways to respectfully disagree and state their case in a positive manner, no bullies. Children are shown by example and appropriate choices ways to problem solve, no apologies necessary. Adults discuss and role model with children the way the community functions. Respect is modeled for the environment-people, animals, plants, objects. Adults are facilitators, not judges or arbitrators.

There is a mixed age grouping that allows a child to be the oldest, the middle, and the youngest child. The mind of a three year old is closer to the mind of a five year old than to the mind of an adult. Children are socialized by the peer group and by a strong role model and strong leader that can unify the group.

Visit http://www.oaktrails.org/

There's No Freedom Without Limits

There is no freedom without limits. Discipline is positive, it redirects, and it offers choices whenever possible or appropriate. Discipline is not punishment, rewards, or praise nor is it something we do to a child. The goal of discipline is for children to develop their own internal wisdom regarding choices they are making. When evaluating young children’s behavior, adults need to look at three things. Is it safe, is it polite, and is it respectful? Young children do not have the theory of the mind. They don’t understand that others aren’t thinking what they think. They also are concrete thinkers and don’t reach the age of reason until around ten years of age. Simply put, children under the age of four don’t lie. They think you’re thinking exactly what they are thinking. When looking at children’s behavior from age four and on, adults can gradually add two things. Is it legal and is it moral?


For young children, give them appropriate choices. Do you want to wear your brown pants or your green pants? Do you want to read before your bath or after your bath? When children say or do things that are not in your value system tell them what they need to be doing. For example, if children are fighting over a toy say, “In our house, we use words to solve problems. You can say, ‘Please give me my ball back.’ Look at Johnny and tell him.” Research has demonstrated that positively worded statements are one-third easier to comprehend than negatively worded statements. People have a difficult time moving away from the reverse of a statement. It is especially difficult for children. That’s the reason things are stated in a positive manner rather than “There’s no hitting.” What children hear is “hitting.”

As children become older, you can challenge them to solve their problems independently. “What do you think you could do to solve this problem that’s in our value system?” Be sure that your family talks about its values, and be sure that the adults in a child’s life role model the values.

“Actions speak louder than words.”

Avoid the Too Much Stuff Syndrome

Often, children have too much stuff. One way to deal with over abudance is to give on a birthday rather than receive. Set up birthday parties as a time for giving to others. At your child’s first school age birthday party, ask guests to bring a gift of a book (new or used) to be donated to a local charity. Talk to your child about the books he or she has and about children who have no books. Explain that one way to celebrate a birthday would be to give to those who have less. Involve the birthday child in the decision of whether to give the books to a woman’s shelter, a daycare for homeless children, or some other appropriate organization. When you deliver the books with your child, record it on camera, so you can revisit the occasion and talk about the book and what it meant to another child.

If children celebrate their birthday at school, they can give a book to their class in honor of  their birthday. Place a photo of the birthday child with a handwritten inscription that the book was given in honor of his or her birthday. Childen in future classes will then have a wonderful example of generosity.

"It's better to give than to receive" takes on real life meaning.

Observing Children

You can receive great insight into your children's interests and passions by carefully watching them . I’m reminded of my granddaughter who at 18 months started to dance to music. She had many interesting moves and as she became older her moves became more dramatic and complicated. She could dance to any type of music, and when her dad would play the guitar, she could always find a way to dance to it. When she was three, she was old enough to start a dance class. When I saw her, I asked how her dance class was. She came right up to me with an intense look on her face (only about two inches from my nose) and said with great conviction, “It was great! It was just great!”

My son said there has not been a time when she wasn’t smiling going into class, and she’s always smiling when she comes out. Follow your children’s lead as they dance you through their life.

Creating Independence in the Classroom

Montessori classrooms are unique because they contain an area of the classroom called Practical Life, also known as Everyday Living. This is the basis of the Montessori program. This area assists children in developing order, coordination, concentration, and independence, and it establishes community within the class. This community is the group that will determine the behaviors and attitudes practiced in the classroom.

The physical and social environment must be prepared by providing the tools that enable the children to create themselves. There are three areas of activity in the practical life area. There is care of the environment, care of the person, and grace and courtesy.

These are a sample of the activities included in each area. Care of the environment includes cleaning, sweeping, mopping, polishing, washing cloths, ironing, gardening, and plant care. Care of the person includes dressing, changing clothes, hand washing, nose blowing, cooking, and food preparation. Grace and courtesy includes taking a chair out and putting it back under the table, walking carefully, rolling a mat, saying “please” and “thank you,” closing doors, and knocking.

These activities facilitate the classroom becoming a children’s house that the children maintain and use for the purpose of the family, the social group. Research has shown that the child’s peer group socializes him or her. This is the most important reason to choose a school carefully since it is the peer group along with a strong leader, the teacher , that will socialize the child.
In practical life, the work habits that the children develop will later lead to success in the later academic work. They practice eye-hand coordination, control of large and small muscles, the ability to carry objects, and the use good manners. Children complete the cycle of activity – to finish what was started - and to contribute to the important work of the classroom.
Children have consistently shown that they want to learn the way to become functioning and contributing members of society. Maria Montessori observed that children usually choose real work over imaginary work. They watch the adults around them and try to imitate the adults. Children would rather pour real tea than have a pretend tea party. When adults allow children to become part of the daily work that goes on around them, it shows great respect for the child, and it helps to build confidence. The child feels important to him or herself and to the group.
The children work to master an activity and to practice and perfect their abilities. The children’s purpose is not to complete the task but to construct the self. Children are born with an innately determined foundation, they have powerful learning abilities, and children use other people, usually their parents at first, as tools to discover the particularities of their society and culture. The practical life activities aid children in making choices and becoming physically and mentally independent. Children become responsible for their actions, learn to control their muscles, direct their attention, and sharpen their focus.

If we really want children to become independent and responsible adults, we need to allow them the respect of doing for themselves as soon as they are able. When children show an interest in doing an activity or are developmentally ready for an activity, such as wiping up a spill, we need to show them the steps involved, provide them the tools necessary (a bucket and sponge), and the time to practice and master the activity. Every unneeded help is a hindrance and impedes children’s progress.
When children have a peer group, they imitate the children. Research shows that babies and children categorize people first by age (adult or child) and then by gender. This is the reason children are first drawn to their age group and later to their gender group, and the reason children learn best from other children. In a Montessori classroom, there is a three-year age span. Initial presentations to the youngest children are given by the teacher, but subsequent or follow up presentations may be given by observation of another child’s presentation or by another child helping the child with a work. The older children in the class will socialize the younger children.

When children enter as three-year olds, they have the opportunity to be the youngest, the middle, and the oldest child. Multiple age grouping gives the children a more homelike atmosphere, and it facilitates what Vygotsky described as scaffolding. Children see other children just a bit older than they are doing work that is slightly more difficult than they can do, but it demonstrates that it is possible for a child to do it. The younger child will then practice a challenging work until, they have mastered it, and the older child will be nearby to offer assistance. If the older child offers too much help, the younger one can is often heard saying, “I can do it myself!”