There's No Freedom Without Limits

There is no freedom without limits. Discipline is positive, it redirects, and it offers choices whenever possible or appropriate. Discipline is not punishment, rewards, or praise nor is it something we do to a child. The goal of discipline is for children to develop their own internal wisdom regarding choices they are making. When evaluating young children’s behavior, adults need to look at three things. Is it safe, is it polite, and is it respectful? Young children do not have the theory of the mind. They don’t understand that others aren’t thinking what they think. They also are concrete thinkers and don’t reach the age of reason until around ten years of age. Simply put, children under the age of four don’t lie. They think you’re thinking exactly what they are thinking. When looking at children’s behavior from age four and on, adults can gradually add two things. Is it legal and is it moral?


For young children, give them appropriate choices. Do you want to wear your brown pants or your green pants? Do you want to read before your bath or after your bath? When children say or do things that are not in your value system tell them what they need to be doing. For example, if children are fighting over a toy say, “In our house, we use words to solve problems. You can say, ‘Please give me my ball back.’ Look at Johnny and tell him.” Research has demonstrated that positively worded statements are one-third easier to comprehend than negatively worded statements. People have a difficult time moving away from the reverse of a statement. It is especially difficult for children. That’s the reason things are stated in a positive manner rather than “There’s no hitting.” What children hear is “hitting.”

As children become older, you can challenge them to solve their problems independently. “What do you think you could do to solve this problem that’s in our value system?” Be sure that your family talks about its values, and be sure that the adults in a child’s life role model the values.

“Actions speak louder than words.”