Words That Develop Internal Motivation

Children have internal motivation when they are born. They are hardwired to master tasks and learn. Children are driven to better themselves without any external rewards, but adults often find it hard to believe. Adults often begin rewards and praise as a way of motivating children, but a reward or praise is the flip side of a punishment. If you eat dinner, you may have snack (a reward). If you don’t eat dinner, you will not have snack (a punishment). The result is the same only one is called a reward, but if a child doesn’t receive the reward then the result is the same as if you had only stated it as a punishment.

Adults also set up competitive environments. Who will be the first one to finish dinner? Who’s the fastest? A better choice is Can you dress faster than you did yesterday? This helps a child focus on his or her work and progress.

Praise is a reward because it is something that comes from outside the child. Children learn to walk. Even when they fall and hurt themselves, they get back up and try again. It doesn’t mean we can’t celebrate their successes with them, but the language is different. You must be proud of your hard work. You did it. These statements are descriptive and focus on the doer, the child, and not on the adult who is giving approval.

Here are some examples.


Internal Motivation and message. You did it (descriptive). You must be proud of yourself (descriptive). I see you used many colors (descriptive). See how quickly you can get ready (progress). You worked a long time on that project (descriptive). I'll teach you how to do it (confidence). With practice, you'll improve (confidence).

External Motivation and message. Good job (praise). I'm proud of you (praise). It's a beautiful picture (praise). See if you can be the first to get ready (competition). You did a great job (praise). I'll do that for you (condescending). I'll give you candy if you do better (reward).


So, when your child comes to you and asks, "Do you like what I did?," ask them, "Do you like what you did?"

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